Creation

Try as I might, writing the next part to my passage has been...arduous, to say the least. How does one describe something that cannot be seen, touched, or heard by anyone, including myself? Instead of having something concrete to show you and compare with, I have only to find a way in which to describe an overpowering feeling or perception of imperilment that will eventually force me to flee into my sequestered and well hidden sanctuary. Huh, no small task. Please, allow me to try. For as far back as I can remember I have used the only ability that seemed to keep me from completely losing my mind; that being to close off my perceptions to all else around me, isolating myself from any outside influences, in what we will call, a box. Why, you might wonder, would anyone choose to do this, other than for the tranquility and inner peace achieved through meditation? Let me explain. Imagine, if you will, walking alone through an obscure forest. For some, the experience might be serene, for others exhilarating; the clean, fresh smell of pine tingling our nose as the sounds of many unseen birds turns into a medley pleasing to the ear. But for others, like myself, the forest represents something much more sinister; so many unknowns...what can I not see behind each of the hundreds upon thousands of trees? So many menacing sounds that threaten to unhinge me every time a new one pierces my eardrums and how am I to ever find my way out safely when I cannot even see the sky, let alone a few feet away from me? What may seem to be unreasonable fears to most is very real to those like myself and it's not just one or two aversions that blast into my mind at a time, no, instead it's legions of uncontrollable convictions bombarding my mind at once...as if I had traipsed right into a hive and antagonized each and every Bee. The problem herein lies though that there was no forest, it was only the real world and it was everywhere. There would be no escape from the constant and unstoppable influx of information no matter where I went or what I was doing. So, you see, the only thing left for me to do was to find a safe place, a zone, if you will, where it might just be possible to close off all these irrepressible alarms going off inside me, controlling me, in so many ways that functioning at all becomes futile. Hence, the creation of "The Box." Albeit a mental formation, one that would constantly need refinement, this construct would eventually become my saving grace. At least that's how I see it. For others though, like family and friends, most would view it as something that has turned me cold hearted, empty of emotion and even sociopathic. That, in itself, is different story for another time.